I have had a weird relationship with food for as long as I can remember. I can clearly see little third grade me crying after a dr. visit where I heard my weight. I just knew those two numbers were too high. I can't remember exactly what I did after that but I'm pretty sure it involved a peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwich...no crust.
This has been my struggle, my secret battle every single day for most of my life. It sucks and it's super embarrassing. I honestly can hardly believe I am putting this on a blog for everyone to see. The thing is...I'm desperate. I have tried many a diet, food journaled myself into a frenzy and worked out for hours. Nothing has worked for me long term.
So the other day I was praying about this whole food thing and telling God how sad and helpless I feel. How I have no control over my life no matter how hard I try. He told me to "stop trying to control my life and let Him do it." That's pretty much how it's supposed to be anyway so I said "ok." In my experience, when I give God control He usually asks me to do something hard (hence this blog). When I have obeyed, it has always turned out great; way better than I could have imagined. Today I am choosing to obey God. I am giving Him control of this last area of my life. In the words of Mumford and Sons "My weakness I feel I must finally show. Awake my soul."