Hey there, folks. It has been quite a while since I've contributed to this blog. I have started & stopped writing so many times this past year but I couldn't seem to muster up the courage to share anything. It's just been hard and I haven't been doing so well with this struggle. The conversation in my head has basically been something like this, "I have no right to try & pontificate on a problem that is obviously consuming me. Also, who wants to hear me discuss my epic failures in this area? Solution = say/do nothing." Yep, that's pretty much it.
All the while, God has been here. He has whispered to me and sometimes pounded things on my heart that I can no longer deny or push aside. I guess the most humorous experience that has happened recently was the morning I woke up and strongly felt God tell me to watch Joyce Meyer's program on TV. Ok, here's the thing - I've never really been a fan of Joyce, not that I've ever even listened to her or anything, it was always a style thing with me. She just always seemed a little too abrasive or something. Anyway, I really felt like I was supposed to not only watch her show that morning but also to set it to record every day.
Reluctantly I turned it on and listened while I was getting coffee made & breakfast started. She began to speak and every stinking word felt like it was just for me. I stood in my kitchen, house shoes & all, tears streaming down, as the love of the Father was spoken to me. No great revelation, just reminders of promises that I seem to always forget.
The next day I watched again as good ole Joyce shared her about her struggle with food. She said something that I have never even heard or thought of before - she has to bring every bite into submission in order to walk in freedom & obedience to Christ. I know most Christians are familiar with taking every thought captive (II Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.) I've just never even thought of this in reference to food. In fact, I don't really do much thinking at all while I'm eating.
I mean, I can eat pretty
much an entire meal while I'm looking for things to cook for dinner
& not really notice what I've done.
Monica & I had a really great talk last night about all of this. We didn't really know what to do with all of it but we both felt the urge that something needed to happen. As we were talking, the clock rolled around past midnight and it became July 4th, Independence Day.
You know, we have both started off with a bang so many times & then fizzled out. We talked about kinda making a big deal about starting afresh & having a time of repentance & prayer. I felt God telling me that we have both already done that many times before. I felt like He was saying that we need to just unceremoniously decide & do this. That's it. No plan, no fanfare, just bringing every bite into submission.
As I am writing this, fireworks are going off all over my neighborhood but my house is still and quiet. Just me & one nervous little dog tonight. Well, I'm nervous too, but not about fireworks. I know that God is with me & with my sister tonight. He is holding our hands & taking us somewhere new.