In the past I have thought once I tackle an issue in my life, I won't have to deal with it ever again. I am realizing that's not so true. The big hint was thinking back through all the times I've started a new diet or prayed super hard about my food issues (or really anything). I always think, "Ok this time, I'm gonna get it. This is the last time." Yeah, it never is. I can rock a diet hardcore for a few months. For example in January I ate completely vegan and gluten free for 3 months. Let me tell you, that was hard. I lost like 15 lbs but then picked them right back up on my way to the cookie company. I have many a story similar to that. But this blog, this story is different.
I can't do this thing on my own...obviously. I don't know if I will ever be "over it." But what I do know is that I have given it to God; laid down all the trying. I am surrendered. But you know what? There are times I want to pick it back up and try to do it on my own. That is why I have to hand it over to God 50 times a day. I must keep asking for His help. I am living in a posture of surrender. That's the only thing that is working for me...and I like it.
I love how you said "living in a posture of surrender." I'm always trying to "pick things back up" that I tell God I layed down to him. It's hard not to try and take control! One of the things I struggle with most FOR SURE!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I will ever be "over it" either. I just know that I am not dealing with "it" alone. He is with me. Now so are you.
ReplyDeletei have so lived in the place where i felt i would never, ever, ever, ever be well. where i believed my every thought would always be disordered. that freedom must just be for other people. but...god allowed me to overcome! it took so so long, but health? for me now. a miracle? yes. indeed. praying it for you now.
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