Sunday, October 16, 2011

She Has Great Hair

I have been mulling this post over for weeks now.  This is a tough issue for me and I have a feeling nearly everyone who reads this will be able to relate.

I cannot look at another girl without sizing myself up to her.  Doesn't matter who she is or what she looks like.  I look at her and find all her qualities that are better than mine in seconds.  "Oh man, look at that awesome hair!"  "She can totally get away with that outfit."  "I wish I was that good of a mom, wife, friend etc."  "How is she so skinny after just having a baby?"  You get the picture.

I have some seriously amazing women in my life.  Some of my closest friends just happen to be in ridiculously good physical shape.  I have a personal trainer friend, two triathalon competitors and one that even after a baby looks like a model and those are just a few examples.  Most of my friends seem to have it all together and frankly I am embarrassed with my struggle around them.  I like others that suck at what I suck at and they don't seem to carry around the same issues.  The lie that the enemy whispers in my ear is that they have it all together and I am the only one with crap.  When I take a step back and realize that everyone has some thing that they wrestle it is easier for me to quit the comparisons.  But in the thick of it, I can't see that.  It's just me all alone with skinny beautiful friends drooling over cake while they don't give it a second thought.  What a tricky lie.

When I was pregnant with my son, a few of us got together and had some pictures taken.  One of the girls was going to be out of the country for several months and wanted pictures to take with her.  I begrudgingly obliged to allow my large child-carrying belly to be photographed.  As dumb as it sounds, I didn't want to have to stand next to these beautiful girls that I love dearly being so large.  I was being so very selfish and childish.  When we got the pictures back, I sat at my computer and cried.  They were most definitely not tears of happiness.  The only thing I could think of when looking at the images was how much different I looked than them; how fat I thought I was.  I called them all and officially banned the pictures from facebook.  It has been a year and a half since I've seen these pictures and I am viewing them with fresh eyes.  Now I see myself as a woman carrying a beautiful miracle instead of just a fat sweaty pregnant girl.  My amazing, hilarious curly-headed little boy was growing in that belly and I am so proud to be his Mama.  Looking at them this time around, I realized that I don't want to be just like any of those girls.  God created each of us to be separate.  How could we love and support each other if we were identical?

It's time to stop looking at other people and putting ourselves down because we are different.  We should praise other's strengths, not idolize them.  I am not there yet.  Sometimes I don't want to hang out with people that I don't "measure up" to.  I need healing in this area and that's exactly why I am talking about it here.

Father, help me to see people with your eyes instead of my own.  Remind me of my identity in you.

Is this something you guys deal with?  How do you combat those lies when they sneak in?



  1. Monica-I think it's something we all struggle with, like you said. I know I constantly do. I have a tough time scrutinizing my life and my looks, and picking it apart until I make it into far from what it truthfully is.

    One thing I'm learning is to just start praying, and laying it all out before I can even bring myself to that awful point. It has been my biggest struggle, and I am just now really starting to learn how to overcome it. I for sure don't want it rubbing off on my kids, and thats my driving force to rid myself of comparison.

    Thanks for this post! I needed to be reminded that I am not the only one who struggles like this.

  2. I don't really combat the lies. I have an eating disorder (they call it "Not Otherwise Specified" because it isn't bulimia, anorexia, or overeating) that used to keep me pretty thin. But even then I compared myself. I've never liked the shape of my face or the fact that I don't tan (especially growing up on the south Texas coast with surfers and Hispanics who all had brown skin). I started taking antidepressants and eating more (plus the comfort eating) and now I am heavier than I have ever been. Heavy enough that the doctors don't like it and I now have high blood pressure. Before I get in the shower, I see my doughy, white body in the mirror and think of the Pillsbury Dough Boy or the Michelin Tire guy. This year has been so full of horrible things for my family that I have sort of given up.

    Then these gals named Monica and Celeste came along and said maybe we could live differently. And I'm listening to what you have to say - maybe not fully convinced, but listening. Cheering you along while thinking it will never change for me.

    The lies are still there making noise in my head, but I'm trying to hear Him. Your voices help.

  3. 1st) Theses pictures are wonderful; you all are so beautiful and uniquely made.

    2nd) If a woman said she has never struggled with comparison…she lied! So many times it's our own thoughts, our own insecurities, our own vices that tear us down and kill our spirit. Our own thoughts that are penetrating our inner core and effecting our hearts.

    It takes me to Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

    I still struggle with comparison. A.L.O.T! It seems like whatever I'm doing is never good enough. No matter how much conformation I receive from others. We are our own worst enemies.

    What do I do to try and combat the lies? In my head I'm saying...He created me. Everything He creates is perfect. He created me who I am and gave me my own special gifts....Then repeat and repeat!!!


  4. Oh Moinca, I love you! I loved this post and i LOVE those pictures. I think we all do this. Comparison is dangerous. A very wise woman named Betsy once taught me that anytime you look at someone else and think "they are better than me because...or I fail compared to then because of blank, then..well, I'm sure you know. It makes me want to cry that you would ever doubt how beautiful you are. I can rattle off at a moments notice several physical things that I see in you that I am jealous of YOU for! I know that's not important and so completely not the point, but it's true. You are so special, so talented and so lucky in SO many amazingly important ways...and on top of them all, you.are.beautiful! We all are.

  5. Wow. What a great blog post! I have struggled with comparing myself to others my whole life. I have never, ever measured up in my own eyes. What you said was so good, really spoke to me. Keep writing; I love this blog! And I just found out about it today. I didn't know you and Celeste had a blog until the missions lunch today. (btw, I always thought YOU had it all together, when I compared myself to you....)