Sometimes when God starts working on my heart; leading me to deal with an issue he does it slowly, giving me the chance to take small timid steps toward him. And other times he holds my hand and we run real fast toward a cliff and jump together. This is one of those running and jumping times.
The other day I posted about comparing myself to others thinking it would be a while until I had to actually get over it. Well, not so much. I'm having to get over it today...right now.
The other night I was asked to lead worship at our church this weekend. I responded with, "Sure, what song would you like me to sing?" She said, "All of them. All the vocalists will be gone this weekend so it would be great if you could play your guitar and lead for all three services." Y'all, I nearly wet my bed. I said I would do it and have been praying about what songs to do all day today. I just asked my husband, Ray what songs he thought I should do and proceeded shoot down every suggestion he gave. He said, "I know why you're doing this. You don't want to sing the same songs Emily does because you think she's better than you. Monica, you just blogged about this." Awww, dang. He got me.
Emily is one of the most amazing singers and worship leaders I've ever heard. I have sized my voice up to hers from the moment I heard it. She kills it every week and I was just imagining people saying, "Yeah she was good but I like Emily's version better." You know what, people might say that and I have to be ok with that. I'm not leading worship to compete with anyone or impress judges. That is not worship; that is American Idol. And I was not created to be on American Idol, I was created to worship.
I just sent the set list to the team and half of the songs are ones that Emily sings. I'm going to sing them because God is telling me to and I'm praying for an anointing on me so that people don't just hear me sing. I want people to be drawn to the feet of Christ because that is where my worship is coming from.
If you want to be a part of this worship you can go here on Saturday night at 6 and watch it live. (I can't believe I just told y'all!)