Friday, November 11, 2011

Changing Things Up

We are on day 11 of our 30 Day Challenge and it has made quite an impact on me so far.  I have had some amazing high points and some unfortunate lows.  Makes me sound a tad bipolar.  I posted earlier this week on being free from addiction.  I felt great!  I was walking around in all this freedom and happiness.  Then I had the urge to bake.  Because I was free from addiction to sugar, I decided to make some killer sugar free cookies.  They were "low" everything but tasted real good.  After a few, I started feeling the guilt creep back in.  The thoughts like, "Yeah, you just thought you were free.  Look at you, you are still the same old person doing the same old things."  I was embarrassed.  Too embarrassed to blog about it because after posting about such an amazing event, I didn't want you all to see me fail.  I haven't failed, though.  I did a little "Croc-walk" (what my husband and I call it when the sticky rubber of a Croc makes a person trip a little) but I didn't fall.  Let me tell you what God showed me about my recovery.

With nearly all addictions, there has to be abstinence.  A person addicted to meth can't just shoot up every once in a while and expect to stay clean.  My addiction to sugar is deeply rooted.  I've been cultivating it nearly my entire life and I expected to wake up Monday morning with absolutely no desire for it again.  While I know God could have taken it away, he didn't.  I thought I could have some of my "drug" every once in a while and be cool.  Not so much.  He showed me that I need to completely steer clear for a while.  I did not want to tell y'all that 'cause putting it here makes it real for me.  Plus, Thanksgiving is coming up and I make a mean pumpkin roll.  I will not be partaking in desserts this year.  Alas, such is life and freedom and such.

So I'm changing up my goals nearly midway through this thing.  Instead of the half-hearted, don't eat unless I'm hungry goal, I'm going without sugar.  I'm doing it 'cause that's what God wants me to do.  It's going to be hard but I have a feeling I won't regret it.

"And the Master, God, stays right there and helps me, so I'm not disgraced.
Therefore I set my face like flint, confident that I'll never regret this."
Isaiah 50:7



  1. i heard beth moore talk about this one time. why god heals some people of their addictions on the spot and others over a long period of time. i got the long period of time with my eating disorder. and i have to admit that i was angry and frustrated and hopeless at times during that journey. she (beth moore) said that we are learning to live in god's sustenance when it takes a long time....hang in there!

  2. That wasn't a failure, Monica. That was getting hit in battle. And it is a battle. Anything we do to make our path to God clearer is sure to get noticed by the enemy. And He could have healed you, but giving you the strength to abstain might be something that has a more lasting impact on those around you. I don't know for sure. I know that He has given me 18.5 years of sobriety and I am so glad for that. My struggle with my eating disorder hasn't been as easy. I can stay away from alcohol and live. I cannot give up food (which I would if I could, believe me - the only thing I hate more than eating is eating healthy). Every long-term victory I have seems to be useful in His Kingdom when I see its impact on someone else. You being honest about your struggle - about the spiritual battle - has a profound impact on me, and on others who might not feel comfortable commenting here. You don't know how much I wish I were in Arkansas with you and Celeste, but I am so glad that God has given us a way to connect otherwise. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for showing us that you really are letting God be your portion.