Friday, November 4, 2011

Day 3 and Smidge of 4

Ok, y'all I'm just gonna be real here and say that I am weak.  I'm struggling.  Yesterday, I did good spending time with God and was quiet for a huge chunk of my day and it felt great.  Unfortunately, I didn't work out at all and my eating wasn't so great.  Dang, I do not like the way that looks.  I want to be perfect and when I'm not, it's so frustrating.  As you can imagine, I am frustrated a lot.  Ha!

This morning, I got up and worked out with my friend Stephanie over at and it was good.  It hurt but it was good.  Then I went home and made myself a healthy lunch.  It was while I was watching The Office on hulu that the slope got slippery.  I got on the ol' Google and found a recipe for single serving cupcakes.  Did you know there was such a thing?  Yeah, there is.  So I whipped it up and scarfed it down.  It burned my mouth and wasn't even that good.  It was too eggy.  I wasn't all; I just wanted something sweet.  You know what, while I'm being honest, I'm just gonna say it made two and yes I ate them both.  Even though the first one was kinda gross.  And now I feel like crap and I am embarrassed.  While feeling this way, I have some choices.  I can try and find a better cupcake recipe and make something much tastier.  I can say screw it all and eat horribly the rest of the day.  I can realize that I made a dumb choice and start back over from this point.  I can also go into my room and talk to my Father about it.  I can get in his presence and hide there for a while.  So, I'm gonna do the last two options and I'll let you know how it goes.

Here's to transparency.  Dadgum, it's hard.

What do you do when you mess up?



  1. When I mess up, I tell everyone that I was just too busy to go over and comment on their blog! ;)

    No, um... it depends on what frame of mind I'm in. If I'm wanting it to be better, I remind myself that "if nothing changes, nothing changes". Then I do something at least a tiny bit different. Small victories can build into large ones. Sometimes I just find more junk to put in my body and mind. These days it's a toss up. I'm really struggling in ways that I'm not ready to put out in public. So I can't predict how I will respond to a failure or a victory.

    Hoping you understand what I didn't say.

  2. Monica, I wish I knew how to break that "sweet" craving in our family. I know Grandmother had it, and I'm pretty sure Mama did, too. You know that I love sweets, too. When I didn't have anything in the house, I would make a cup of homemade chocolate icing, and hide it in an unmarked bowl if I didn't finish it in one sitting. My mother told me that she would finish off a container of ice cream and then go to the store to buy a replacement before my dad got home from work. This seems to be a generational problem.

    God is dealing with me about bragging. I don't think I need other peoples' approval, but then I post a picture on facebook of a cake I made, or a picture I took. After God laid this on my heart last night, I got up this morning and weighed myself, and I lost a little more weight. I instinctively took a picture of the scale so I could send it to my kids, but instead of doing that, I sat and cried thanking God for helping me reach another goal. I need His help with my focused time with Him, too.