Don't get me wrong, I've tried many times to get it together but given up every time. I feel horrible, uncomfortable and incredibly ugly. None of my clothes fit and I literally wear black all the time because I don't want anyone to look at me.
Last night, I was talking to my friend Stephanie and she asked how I was doing with all things food related. I gave her some dumb answer about how, "I'm fat and probably won't ever get over this thing but it's ok." No biggie, don't worry...lol, happy face, bff, Jesus Loves You!
She didn't buy it.
She said, "I know you aren't a quitter. There is nothing else you would roll over and admit defeat with. So I don't buy the idea that you're admitting defeat. You might be tired of fighting this, but I'm not about ready for you to claim defeat on this. I've seen your heart too closely. I can't NOT fight for you. It hurts me to know you are tired and feel broken. But you are MORE than this battle. The enemy only wants you to think you're useless. Life is short, but it can be a long time to be shackled to something. The only thing the enemy knows he can steal is your freedom. So I'm wanting to help you fight him for it...now! I love you!"
What a friend...what a "mat-carrier." Her words have encouraged me so and reminded me that I'm not a weak person. I'm not one who gives up when life throws a few well-placed punches.
I'm standing between two of my best friends here (Stephanie and Tiffany), so uncomfortable with having my picture taken. Wearing yoga pants because none of my jeans fit and the most fake smile I have. I don't like being this girl.
So here I am, getting back on the horse...again.
If I don't publish this in the next 10 seconds, I'm going to delete this story that makes me feel very vulnerable and exposed. Eeeeek....here goes!