My sister and I often talk about having minor meltdowns in our closet floors. This is so dumb, we know. But here's the thing: when I am getting dressed to go out and every item of clothing I try on tends to enhance my largeness, I get really upset. I get so upset that I don't want to leave the house. In fact, I get so upset that all I want to do is eat. Herein lies the rub: the eating. The eating is the thing that causes the problem in the first place.
Last night I could feel the whole process starting. I should have been excited. A night out with my husband and no children is a rare occasion. The whole ordeal of getting ready was taking too long. He was already dressed and waiting on me and I was standing in my closet with a pile of reject clothes around my feet. My natural instinct was to fall into my normal routine (i.e. pity party) and not even want to go.
I am so thankful that God is patient with me, even in dumb situations like this. He gently reminded me that this is a process He is walking me through and we are just getting started. The results will come but for now, I need to be content right where I am. A wave of peace filled the room and calmed my mind.
I grabbed the only pair of jeans that fit me right now, paired them with a cute black shirt & accessorized the heck out of it. My husband came in the closet, kissed me on the forehead and said, "You look gorgeous." What a guy. He also said something to the effect of, "Let's go! Aren't you ready yet? I'm starving!"
We had a great night that included sushi & good friends, two of my favorite things. I could still feel that peace when we were sitting at the restaurant and I know that is the reason I was able to stop eating when I was full. I actually had to get a to-go box for half of my food. Uncharted territory, folks.
I can't believe I almost missed out on such a great night because of some stupid clothes. Crisis averted.
Celeste
Awesome, Celeste! I'm so glad that you let God lead the way. I'm trying. I remember in treatment when we were talking about going out to restaurants and how people would always comment if we didn't eat all the food. That same ol' "aren't you hungry?" and the counselor said, "you can just look at them and tell them your are finished". We all acted like we had never heard those words before. We really needed, for whatever reason, for somebody to give us permission to say no. It seemed profound at the time, but to an outsider we would have looked like a bunch of goobers for acting like that. (Good think no outsiders were there, huh?) I'm so glad that you are willing to participate in the process. Go you!
ReplyDelete:) can't wait for the glorified bodies of heaven. until then, we pray for peace and acceptance and the will to change as he wants us to....
ReplyDeleteHe's right, I'm sure YOU DID look gorgous!
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