Nehemiah 9:17 (ESV) "..But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love"
You know what you need to do today? You need to forgive yourself. You want to know how I know this? Because I need to forgive myself. I have made an executive decision and we are just going to get this taken care of today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you have made quite a mess of things just like I have. I don't know about you, but I can beat myself up like nobody's business. I can literally lay awake at night replaying events from the past over and over in my head, just wishing I could go back and do things differently. Why is it that I can forgive other people but not myself?
In my Christian walk, I tend to lean toward works rather than grace. If things aren't going right, my first thought is, "What have I done wrong?" or I immediately come up with a plan to fix the problem. Let me tell you, trying to fix mistakes on your own just leads to a bunch of little Ishmaels running the show. We all know how that story turned out. The problem with works-based salvation is this: you eliminate the need for Jesus. If your salvation is solely based on whether or not you prayed your 30 minutes today or read your 3 chapters, what was the point of Jesus dying on the cross? Apparently, you've got this. On the flip side, when you mess up, you feel like God is mad at you and you aren't worthy to be called His own. The bad news is: you are going to mess up. Even worse than that is the eventual guilt you are going to feel when you do mess up.
Living in a perpetual state of guilt is the perfect set up for a fall. If you feel like you are already a failure, what's the point of even trying? You are a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is the trick that keeps so many people like you and me bound up in addiction. When you look in the mirror you won't see anything but a failure until you can forgive yourself.
I am really thinking that this is the key to turning the corner. We need to start seeing ourselves through eyes of faith. "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1) I can't see it right now, but through faith I know that I am forgiven, blameless, renewed, and whole. I know that a huge part of getting over my issues with food is learning to forgive myself.
Here is the "To Do" list for today and every day:
1. Forgive yourself for whatever it is that you have done
2. Walk in the confidence that only faith can bring
3. Lay down the guilt and don't pick it back up
I think this video perfectly sums up what I am feeling tonight.