If you've been reading this blog for a while I'm sure you have already made the connections I'm about to make. God has been dealing with several issues in my life lately like comparing myself to others, doing things that are difficult, not giving up and tackling strongholds. All of these issues show their faces while I'm running. I don't think it's a coincidence that I've felt God leading me to start running again. I haven't done it, mind you. Thought about it a good deal, though.
So yesterday I was praying and asking God if the whole running thing was from him or if I was thinking about it 'cause it's a good way for me to lose weight. I said, "Ok, if this is something you want to use to change my heart, let someone ask if I want to go run." About an hour later, my friend Melanie came over for a haircut. While I was cutting her bangs she said, "Hey, we should start running again." I kid you not. I groaned.
Ok God, I know this is a way you want to break stuff off of me and I know you've been trying to discipline me through this for years. I'm finally ready to do it. My focus isn't losing weight this time 'cause there are much more enjoyable ways to accomplish that than running. My focus is you. Time with you. Being vulnerable and weak so that through you I can be made strong. I'll meet you out on the road tomorrow.
I want to know, what is the thing that God keeps pestering you about doing? What do you keep trying to ignore and put off that you know will be good for you in the long run?
Monica
Monica, reading your words in the middle of the night brings some interesting thoughts. What would be better for me in the long run? "Don't run." Meaning don't run away.
ReplyDeleteI'm a runner. I leave. The five years that I have been with my husband (four of them married) are the longest relationship I've had by two or three times. This last six weeks... if we weren't married I would have been gone. It has been that hard. He knows it. I know it.
I'm absolutely sure that I had a closer look at my parents' marriage than any of the other kids did for just this reason. I'm sure that God made sure my parents lived with me and my husband from the word "go" to keep us focused. Because my Mom taught me how to STAY. I hate it. I hate not being able to run and lick my wounds and then start some new imagined story. I hate it.
We didn't ask our friend Dave what vows he would have us say at the wedding. We just assumed they would be the "standard". Not so. The last line we each had to repeat? "I will make any adjustment necessary to share my life with you." Closes every loophole known to man, doesn't it? Every argument for the first six months had us pointing at each other saying, "I adjusted last time. It's your turn to adjust." We like to tease Dave that we were snookered. We were already dressed up and at the front of the church when we heard those words for the first time, so we felt we had to just say them and dive in. Who knew it would to take us to the places we have been...
One of several songs named "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner" (the more obscure version) has a few lines that just really FIT:
Teardrops split, divided into stars
Will we forgive ourselves for all we’re not, all we are?
With arm out in the dark
Holding still is still the hardest, hardest part
Long distance runner, are you moving any closer to health?
…
Loneliness written in the road
Loneliness written,
it’s the only -- is it the only thing you know?
****
Be careful when you ask me those questions. ;)
@Carolyn Counterman your honest words bring me to tears nearly every morning. Thank you for being so real here. I have been praying for you all day. Praying that you will keep those running shoes in the closet and plant your feet with determination.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I asked, by the way.
Carolyn, I am so thankful that you are here with us. We cannot wait to meet you in person someday!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Celeste
Well you asked, so I'm answering. And maybe I'm answering because God knows I need some accountability. For YEARS God has put it on my heart that Josh and I needed to have devotional time. Not just our seperate personal devotion time...that we needed to have husband and wife devotion time with him. For a long time I just pushed it aside and kept what I was feeling to myself. A year later I finally shared with Josh what God had put upon my heart. We tried to get it scheduled in to do a few times a week and something was always coming up that kept us from keeping our devotional date. Fast forward to present day...god still yanks on my heart about this. It's become increasingly stronger since Claira was born and I know I need to get my act together. So I'm writing my goal down now and I'm going to try and stick to it!! Wish me luck...
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I keep pushing into the background when God brings it up is my piano playing. I took lessons for 8 years as a child, but I set it all aside because my husband criticized my playing ability. Actually, I did not measure up to his standard for me in a lot of areas, but that area was easy to stop the conflict in. I just stopped playing...25 years ago. Yep. My ex was good at playing devil's advocate. In those days, he was one of his disciples I think. Thankfully, he got saved a few years ago, and he appears to be a different person today.
ReplyDeleteAnyway...(sorry for the rabbit trail), I know I need to get a keyboard and start relearning what I have forgotten.