This last Wednesday I told this class I'm in at church about my blog. It is made up of people from every age group and walk of life just desiring to dig deeper into God, and to be trained up to be a warrior like David. I told them about the comparison post and then about the worship leading post. And when I told them I didn't think I was as good of a singer as Emily, I looked over and saw her husband and father shaking their heads. It was at this point I began the cry-talk. It was unavoidable and no matter how hard I bit my cheek, I couldn't get it under control. So I just kept cry-talking my way through what God was telling me to say. Then, a guy spoke up and said, "Monica, this is just a shortcut to get to where God wants you. When he takes you through something difficult, just think of it that way." I had never in my life thought of that!
So this weekend, God led me through a shortcut and I ended up standing smack dab in the middle of my identity. As soon as I started singing, God blanketed me with peace. I have been doing this for about 10 years and it was unlike anything I've ever felt while leading worship. It was this realization that I was in the perfect place doing the exact thing I was put on this earth to do. For weeks, I have been asking God to speak to me about my identity and he gave me the most incredible revelation in that moment. I have always known this is what I am called to do; that's not really what I'm talking about. I'm not sure how to explain it, other than that I felt happy with myself for the first time in a long time. And that is because I stepped out and did something scary which allowed God to reveal my identity. I prayed that through my worship this weekend, people would feel his presence; his love, and be changed. Who knew it would be me?