Monday, December 19, 2011

Being Captivated

Hey y'all!  It's been a minute, huh?  I don't really have a reason for the break in blogging the past few weeks.  I had stuff to talk about but just kept forgetting to write it down or I didn't want to talk about stuff.  Either way, I'm back and I've got something to say.

I read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge a few years ago and thought it was pretty good but not life changing or anything.  I am reading it again and wondering if I had read a different book 'cause it is seriously amazing.  If you haven't read it, go get it.  Stat!

So I have been frustrated and asking God why I'm not losing any weight doing this thing his way.  Isn't that kinda the point after all the dealing with issues and stuff?  I have been really wanting to go on a diet lately.  I want a plan.  I want to go back to something that I know has worked in the past if only for a short time.  I have been feeling real frustrated and gaining weight like I'm getting paid to.  So a week and a half ago, I made a plan and set a start date.  I was going to take control and lose some pounds before Christmas.  Then the conviction started.  I wondered how I would diet and still blog.  How can I be honest and yet go against the whole cause of this space?  Maybe I just won't talk about it?  Every time, I thought about it, there was a catch in my spirit.  God was wearing me down.  Then I read this in Captivating and it knocked down my last bit of fight...

  "Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
    I will wall her in so she cannot find her way.
    She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
    she will look for them but not find them. (Hosea 2:6-7)

    Jesus has to thwart us too--thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. (That's the part that really got me)  Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue.  Oh, we might turn to him for our 'salvation,' for a ticket to heaven when we die....But inside, our hearts remain broken and captive and far from the One who can help us.  
    And so you will see the gentle, firm hand of God in a woman's life hemming her in.....Wherever it is we have sought life apart from him, he disrupts our plans, our 'way of life' which is not life at all."

So how's that for reading my mail?  Yeah.  It's like I'm a wounded animal thrashing around trying to get free from a trap but hurting myself in the process.  Then the gentle hands of Jesus hold me tight until I settle down and stop moving.  He can see things I can't see.  He has the strength to set me free but I have to give up control and let him do it his way.



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