When I was 17, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I have lived in near constant shame and frustration because of this disease for many years.
PCOSDiva.com gives a good definition for those that don't know what it is:
"Often called the “Thief of Womanhood”, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) affects as many as 10% of women. It can rob you of your fertility, cause irregular periods, lead to insulin resistance and obesity, as well as, depression. High levels of androgen hormones in women with PCOS can cause acne, excess facial and body hair growth and male-pattern hair loss. The long term risk factors for diabetes, heart disease and certain cancers are higher if PCOS is left untreated."
I seriously cannot believe I'm telling you all this right now. So anyway, the progression of this disease is directly linked to blood sugar and insulin which can be controlled through diet. I have never been able to keep it under control on my own. I have tried so hard and have been on every drug there is for PCOS. Nothing has worked. I have defined myself by this disease. It has taken so much joy from me. I have lived a cycle of victory followed by failure for nearly 10 years; until I invited God into my situation.
Last week, I was praying about it and asking God why I have to live with this chronic disease that steals my confidence daily. He said, "It isn't for you. I did not give it to you and you do not have to live with it. Listen and obey me because you were made for more." Whaaaat?! Is this real life? I freaked out. So I have been doing the things that God is showing me and am standing on his promise that I was made for more than this. I was not made to live in fear and shame. Worrying that someone might find out that I have PCOS. God did not create me to focus my mind on the question of if I will someday get diabetes or lose all my hair. Now that I think about it, I've been living pretty selfishly. All of those worries and fear are inwardly focused. No wonder I have struggled for so long; I can't take my eyes off myself and what others will think of me. God, forgive me.
I want you to know that your Father did not create you to live bound up. You were not made to be a slave to addiction, worry, anxiety, depression, or sin. You were made to be free. To freely love your Father. Take some time today and ask him to show you what you need to be free of if you don't already know. And if you need to repent, do it fully and he will shower you with mercy.
I'm heading toward freedom in many more areas than I ever thought possible. It feels pretty dang good.