On this March 5th I am choosing joy. Let me explain a bit more about my story. So one of my best friends, Kara, told me she was pregnant about a week before I found out I was, too. We were due just days apart. I cannot explain how excited I was to have our babies so close to each other. So when I lost mine, I knew it was going to be difficult to watch her belly grow while mine stayed flat. I knew it would be easy to allow jealousy to creep in and lay down roots. I have chosen to rejoice with her in her blessing. She gave birth to a perfect baby girl last Friday and I was there at the hospital. Seeing sweet Nora for the first time was so amazing but I couldn't help but wonder if I would have had a girl too and what she would have looked like. I cried tears of happiness and sorrow at the same time, if that's even possible. This morning, I went to visit Kara and Nora even though I just kinda wanted to stay home and bake. I stared at her little face snuggled up in my arms and couldn't help but just love her. I had forgotten the weight of a newborn. It makes me smile to know that I will hold our baby someday in heaven.
I don't know the plans that God has for our lives but I do know that they are good. Today I am choosing to stand on the things that I know instead of asking, "why?" I am choosing joy today instead of resentment, bitterness or jealousy. Those things are not beautiful and I want my life to reflect the way that God sees me.