On this March 5th I am choosing joy. Let me explain a bit more about my story. So one of my best friends, Kara, told me she was pregnant about a week before I found out I was, too. We were due just days apart. I cannot explain how excited I was to have our babies so close to each other. So when I lost mine, I knew it was going to be difficult to watch her belly grow while mine stayed flat. I knew it would be easy to allow jealousy to creep in and lay down roots. I have chosen to rejoice with her in her blessing. She gave birth to a perfect baby girl last Friday and I was there at the hospital. Seeing sweet Nora for the first time was so amazing but I couldn't help but wonder if I would have had a girl too and what she would have looked like. I cried tears of happiness and sorrow at the same time, if that's even possible. This morning, I went to visit Kara and Nora even though I just kinda wanted to stay home and bake. I stared at her little face snuggled up in my arms and couldn't help but just love her. I had forgotten the weight of a newborn. It makes me smile to know that I will hold our baby someday in heaven.
I don't know the plans that God has for our lives but I do know that they are good. Today I am choosing to stand on the things that I know instead of asking, "why?" I am choosing joy today instead of resentment, bitterness or jealousy. Those things are not beautiful and I want my life to reflect the way that God sees me.
Monica
Your heart is so lovely, Monica. I had a miscarriage while my two best friends were pregnant. It took me 3 months to hold one of the babies--we still hung out and were friends, I just couldn't hold the babies. That was such a difficult time for me. I'm humbled by your love and friendship that you are giving to your friend and her new baby. Big hug sent to you today. Thanks for sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteMonica, your obedience in writing this post blesses and encourages me. Thank you for such an awesome reminder. Choosing joy today too :)
ReplyDeleteit takes courage to choose joy in the midst of pain. and courage to write it, too. so glad you shared.
ReplyDeletePraying for your family! My husband and I have suffered a loss too and it is hard, we did not know we were pregnant until I had severe pains. The doctor said it was a miscarriage in that moment I never questioned God. I simply said you have your reasons God and I shall count it all joy, I will praise your name and yes I will continue to allow praise from my mouth. My husband did not understand then but he does now. Thnk God for his comfort for my husband and I, we did not tell our families until a month later after fasting and praying for strength and comfort. Although I never knew the sex of the child, it was a loss to me, I blamed myself, my age, and my weight but God gave me the comfort to know he called our little one home to be with him. Now we both know our child is in Heaven waiting for mommy and daddy one day. We know God's timing is infinite. I am now 34...35 in 3 weeks and my clock is ticking but I know God has a way, a purpose, and he has his time for blessing us. Although some of the doctors are saying no we cannot conceive, God gave us a doctor who said, yes, you can, she even told me to study about Hannah, Elizabeth, and Sarah...I realized that God has his purpose and I need to listen to Him. Praying for your comfort. :-)
ReplyDeleteI had our little Caleb when I was 39 1/2 years old. He was a wonderful surprise. When he was 17 months old we lost him tragically in an accident when he was trying to get out of his crib. We were devastated. My husband and I never intended to get pregnant with little Caleb, but we loved him with all of our hearts. A short time after he died my husband and I decided to try and conceive again. I was 42 years old when our little Elisabeth was born. She has brought more joy to our family than we ever could have imagined even though we will carry the grief of losing our beloved Caleb with us for the rest of our lives.
DeleteMy husband and I have other children but the pain when we found Caleb and even now is sometimes almost unbearable, despite the fact that we have other children.
I can't imagine your situation because I am not in your place, but I am so sorry for your loss. May God give you peace and comfort throughout your trials.
With Hope,
Cheryl
BTW...it hurts badly when you see other younger and the same aged women that are pregnant and enjoying their little ones. I was angry one day and I said okay God, I feel like this is a slap in the face...I even said I do not understand. I could hear God's sweet voice say, My child, I have not left you and would never hurt you. I simply gave your child a life here in heaven with me. My mother said it is hard but know God said he loves us and he would never do anything to hurt us. People I would meet would tell me the same thing and they did not know my story. I soon understood that God allowed me to be around these women not out of pain but to learn and grow. It still hurts to be around other women with babies and children but I know God is giving me strength and he placed a large smile on my face!
ReplyDeleteMonica,
ReplyDeleteYou have a beautiful outlook despite difficult circumstances. God is being glorified through your actions.
With Hope,
Cheryl