It's about to get really real up on this blog tonight. Cause why even do this if it's not gonna be real?
Hey guess why I haven't been posting much.
It's because I am not doing so hot. I am feeling dumb and embarrassed. Remember the verse I put up about setting my face like flint? Yeah, it was set more like undercooked fudge. Or nobake cookies. Oh yeah, speaking of nobake cookies. They did me in on Thanksgiving. I was doing so good not eating sugar until I saw these...
My resolve just went down the drain. And it has pretty much stayed there.
We have one more day of this challenge and I am so sad to say that I haven't given it 100%. Heck probably not even 50%. I don't know what's wrong with me! If I am not going to do something perfectly, I don't even want to try. So as soon as I mess up one time, it's always been downhill from there. Why can't I just be ok trying and be satisfied if I'm not perfect? Losing is so embarrassing! Anyone that has ever played a game with me can tell you how competitive I am. It gets a little out of control at times.
Here's the deal. I am really frustrated right now. I don't have any awesome spiritual revelation for you tonight. I feel dumb and am in need of some encouragement. That's pretty much it.
"Out of the depths, I cry to you O Lord." Ps. 130:1
Monica
Ps. I'm not trying to be all weird and dramatic here. I'm just being honest because that is what God put on our hearts for this blog to be. I'm not looking for attention, I just want people to see the ups and downs of my battle.
Hey there. I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving as much as I did. Getting out of town and being with family did me a world of good. I was having a rough time when I wrote last and I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers.
I have to tell you something pretty great that happened last week. When I wrote that last blog I was really discouraged. Immediately after that post I went to get my nails done. The place I normally go was closed for the holiday & I ended up going to another little nail shop. Normally I am friendly and talkative but I just wasn't feeling it that day. As I was sitting in silence, the man doing my nails started talking to me. Out of the blue he said, "You know, sometimes you just have to let things go. You can't make things happen on your own. Things have to be done in God's timing." I'm sure my mouth was hanging open.
He kept going for almost an hour - totally reading my mail - and giving me words of encouragement. I was literally stunned. I just needed a reminder of what this whole thing is really about. I am thankful God is ready and able to help when we are in trouble.
Admitting that I need help is another huge part of the "dying to myself" process. Everything inside me wanted to sweep all of that discouragement under the rug and just go along like things were fine. If I had done that I would have missed the blessing God had for me that day. I am so thankful for you all and also for the obedience of the man who showed the Father's love to me last week.
Who knew that a blog about food addiction would bring about so many other things. I was just trying not to be fat, y'all. I had no idea we were going to get all up in each other's business!
November is almost over, by the way. I have really enjoyed these weeks & I can't wait to hear from you all about how our first 30 Day Challenge went for you.
We are on Day 26 of this 30 Day Challenge! It's the home stretch, yay!! How has it been for everyone? After it's over, I'll do a big overview of the whole thing. I kinda dread the brutal honesty that will be all up on this blog in a few days. What am I saying? We are always brutally honest over here.
The past few days have been SO much fun! Celeste and I have hung out for the past 5 days straight. I can't remember the last time that's happened. We have done tons of crafty crafts, watched movies, played games, laughed a lot, and played Let's Dance on the Wii. Actually she just watched and laughed as I made a fool out of myself. I even talked my husband into doing a number with me. It was amazing.
I am so Thankful for our family. Whenever we get together, it will be fun and I know we will laugh a ton. This week has been so much fun! Don't worry, we are getting back on the blogging train.
Can I be honest with you? I am discouraged. I want this process to be over already. I am tired of it. My life has been pretty stressful this week and I haven't really handled things so well. My normal reaction to stress is to eat .... a lot. Since I have been trying not to use food as a comfort, I find myself just being plain mad. I have been quick tempered with my kids, rude to my husband, and a general joy to be around.
This is dumb and embarrassing, but here it is. I know that this is just part of the process of dying to myself but I honestly never thought it would be so hard. I'm in the middle of the mess right now and I am trying to press through. I so easily forget that this is a spiritual fight, not a physical one. I know that I am not alone - God is mighty to save.
It's been a week without sugar and it feels really good. I'm not gonna lie though, there have been days that I wanted to eat some but I didn't. I did have some pretty terrible days this past week. My iPhone fell out of my pocket the other day and my screen completely shattered, so that was neat. It's hard to learn new ways to cope with stress but I'm working on that.
My running has been a little here and there. I've been consistently working out but not running like I intended. Good thing we have lots of days left to our 30 day challenge!
God has been doing amazing things in my life despite my lack of perfection. Isn't that encouraging? We don't have to be perfect for him to make something good out of us. I'm just asking for his help as often as I can remember.
Hello there! I hope you have had a great day so far. This week has been challenging for me but oh so rewarding. My prayer time has been nothing short of amazing. Just slowing down and turning everything off (even worship music) has completely transformed the experience. The nearness of God is what has surprised me the most and it is shocking to see the difference this has brought about in my behavior. The awareness of the presence of God throughout my day has been a great reminder that I am not alone in this struggle.
I am still trucking along with my food & workout goals. I had an insurance physical today (don't be jealous) and I found out that I have lost a little more weight. Also, I took some "before" pictures this week. Oh my my. I had no idea that I was nine months pregnant! There has got to be something wrong with my camera. But seriously, I encourage you to do this if you are trying to lose weight. This is totally non-spiritual but 100% butt-kicking in the motivation department.
So we are at the halfway point - can you believe it? How are things going with you? I am praying for consistency and steadiness for all of us on this road.
We are on day 11 of our 30 Day Challenge and it has made quite an impact on me so far. I have had some amazing high points and some unfortunate lows. Makes me sound a tad bipolar. I posted earlier this week on being free from addiction. I felt great! I was walking around in all this freedom and happiness. Then I had the urge to bake. Because I was free from addiction to sugar, I decided to make some killer sugar free cookies. They were "low" everything but tasted real good. After a few, I started feeling the guilt creep back in. The thoughts like, "Yeah, you just thought you were free. Look at you, you are still the same old person doing the same old things." I was embarrassed. Too embarrassed to blog about it because after posting about such an amazing event, I didn't want you all to see me fail. I haven't failed, though. I did a little "Croc-walk" (what my husband and I call it when the sticky rubber of a Croc makes a person trip a little) but I didn't fall. Let me tell you what God showed me about my recovery.
With nearly all addictions, there has to be abstinence. A person addicted to meth can't just shoot up every once in a while and expect to stay clean. My addiction to sugar is deeply rooted. I've been cultivating it nearly my entire life and I expected to wake up Monday morning with absolutely no desire for it again. While I know God could have taken it away, he didn't. I thought I could have some of my "drug" every once in a while and be cool. Not so much. He showed me that I need to completely steer clear for a while. I did not want to tell y'all that 'cause putting it here makes it real for me. Plus, Thanksgiving is coming up and I make a mean pumpkin roll. I will not be partaking in desserts this year. Alas, such is life and freedom and such.
So I'm changing up my goals nearly midway through this thing. Instead of the half-hearted, don't eat unless I'm hungry goal, I'm going without sugar. I'm doing it 'cause that's what God wants me to do. It's going to be hard but I have a feeling I won't regret it.
"And the Master, God, stays right there and helps me,so I'm not disgraced. Therefore I set my face like flint, confident that I'll never regret this."
Things have been a little crazy today at my house. The morning started off with our oldest son throwing a ball through the living room window and ended with my husband and two of the boys shooting BB guns at a mouse in our house. Have I mentioned I am the only female in a house of 7? The mouse thing is particularly offensive to me as a housekeeper. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all part of living in the country. The window thing...well, let's not talk about that one.
Needless to say, my rigid morning routine was thrown out of whack. As I was frantically looking for something to wear to work, I pulled Ole Faithful out of the closet. I am referring to my Little Black Dress. I have a serious love/hate relationship going on with this dress. Snatched off of the sale rack at Lane Gyant, this dress has been a go-to item for me for most of 2010-2011. The loose fitting cut and forgivable fabric hide a multitude of sins. The problem is, I wear it all the time! I try to be sneaky & throw a cardigan over it or maybe dress it down with casual accessories, but seriously, I am fooling no one.
My tired little dress is a great reminder of the situation I am in. No matter how much I try to dress it up or camouflage it, my little issue with food is not hidden to the outside world. I mean, people can see all of this weight I am carrying around. As much as I'd like it to be, my problem with food is no secret.
Hebrews 12:1 says, "..let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." "Sin which clings so closely" is the real convicting part of the verse for me. My sin is clinging pretty closely around my mid-section at the moment. I absolutely hate the thought of not just pounds of fat that I am dragging around, but pounds of sin. Yikes. Let that sink in for a minute.
I am ready to lay aside this weight. I am also ready to lay aside that little black dress. As soon as it no longer fits, I promise you I am going to burn that dress. That dress is nothing but a reminder of the struggle I have gone through and I am thankful that He is setting me free. God is really stirring something inside of me this week and I pray that you are experiencing the same thing. I just want more of Him and much less of me (in every way possible).
Quick check in on our 30 Day Challenge: Days 6, 7, & 8 have been good. My food goal (no sugar or potatoes) is getting easier every day. My spiritual goal (20 minutes of quiet time with God) has been amazing. My exercise goal (30 minutes per day) is still not great. I only did 15 minutes today and I had plenty of time to do more. I want this to be the only day that I don't give 100% on all 3 goals.
I can't wait to hear from you all on how your first week went. I am praying that HOPE will begin to rise up in you today.
We are on day 7 of the 30 Day Challenge and things are going good over here. Right now, I've got a tasty broccoli soup on the stove for supper and will have 30 quiet minutes as soon as I finish this post. If it ever stops raining here, I'll go outside for a run but if not, I'll head to the gym.
So what I really want to talk about today is generational issues; unfortunate things that seem to be passed down through blood lines. I want to tell you about how I got free from mine. Last Friday, I posted about how I screwed up and found myself with cupcake crumbs all over my face. My mom commented on that post about how sugar addiction is something she, her mother and her grandmother have all battled. Each one of us grew up watching our mother fight this demon and learned to do the same. I had just kind of accepted this as a part of my life and tried my best to get over it. Not working so much for me. Seeing it in writing on Saturday was pretty huge for me. (I am so incredibly proud of my mom for having the courage to admit her struggle, by the way.)
I had been praying all day that God would give me a breakthrough in this area at church that night. I was pretty sure our pastor wasn't going to call up people with sugar addiction for prayer at the end of the service. I just wanted God to do something. So that afternoon, I was praying about the song I was going to lead and God laid a verse on my heart. I was like, "Hey, you know I don't like to talk during worship." And he was like, "Yeah, I know but do it anyway." So I was like, "Ok." Fast-forward to me picking up my guitar and thinking, "Oh crap, I can't talk!" Then a peace just came over me and I knew if I was obedient, my breakthrough would come. I said my little verse and a few words of encouragement and it was cool. Then our pastor came up and started talking about stuff in your life that has no place. He literally said, "I don't care if you Grandmother had it and your Mother had it and you do too." My eyeballs got enormous. He talked about the power of our words and declaring things on earth to be as they are in heaven. In the Lord's prayer, Jesus said, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Jesus told us to pray that. Then my pastor said go ahead and do it, so I did. I said, "Today, I am free from addiction and it has no place in my life. God, may your will be done in my life on earth as it is in heaven." And then I laughed. Not a weird, crazy laugh mind you. I laughed at the thing that has held me captive for so long. I was filled with joy over my freedom.
I am learning the power of my words. I say so many negative things about myself that are keeping me in bondage. It's time to speak life over ourselves! During your time with God today, ask him to show you the areas in your life where you need to change your vocabulary. What things do you need to declare to be on earth as they are in heaven?
We LOVE hearing from you guys; it's so encouraging! If you don't feel comfortable commenting here on the blog, please send us an email. setfreefromme.cm@gmail.com
I hope you are doing well on this lovely Sunday afternoon. Just wanted to fill you in on how the 30 Day Challenge is going for me.
Day 3 (Thursday) was awesome. No problems or hang ups. Great workout & prayer time. Eating was ok. Still sticking to my food goals.
Day 4 (Friday) was not super great. In my attempt to look cute for work I wore some too tall boots and totally wiped out in the hallway. Did you hear about that earthquake in Oklahoma/Arkansas? Yep, that was all me. All of my many pounds landed on my left knee. Yikes. I got a lovely little goose-egg & bruise as a parting gift. Instead of my workout, I spent the night on the couch with an icepack. I am not going to mention the pizza that I inhaled ate.
Day 5 (Saturday) was much better. My prayer time was awesome and I still did not touch any sugar or potatoes. I do have to admit that I could step it up in the healthy eating department. Workouts have been good, but I am still just doing the minimum amount of effort required. I am praying for God to give me a desire to be healthy and not just check something off of a list.
Ok, y'all I'm just gonna be real here and say that I am weak. I'm struggling. Yesterday, I did good spending time with God and was quiet for a huge chunk of my day and it felt great. Unfortunately, I didn't work out at all and my eating wasn't so great. Dang, I do not like the way that looks. I want to be perfect and when I'm not, it's so frustrating. As you can imagine, I am frustrated a lot. Ha!
This morning, I got up and worked out with my friend Stephanie over at chosenforreagan.com and it was good. It hurt but it was good. Then I went home and made myself a healthy lunch. It was while I was watching The Office on hulu that the slope got slippery. I got on the ol' Google and found a recipe for single serving cupcakes. Did you know there was such a thing? Yeah, there is. So I whipped it up and scarfed it down. It burned my mouth and wasn't even that good. It was too eggy. I wasn't hungry...at all; I just wanted something sweet. You know what, while I'm being honest, I'm just gonna say it made two and yes I ate them both. Even though the first one was kinda gross. And now I feel like crap and I am embarrassed. While feeling this way, I have some choices. I can try and find a better cupcake recipe and make something much tastier. I can say screw it all and eat horribly the rest of the day. I can realize that I made a dumb choice and start back over from this point. I can also go into my room and talk to my Father about it. I can get in his presence and hide there for a while. So, I'm gonna do the last two options and I'll let you know how it goes.
Alternate Post Title: "Are you gonna finish those French Fries?"
Ok, so yesterday I was really wanting some potatoes. Mashed, fried, baked, whatever - I did not care. It was almost funny to me how much I was obsessing about dumb potatoes. Dying to my will is difficult because my will could basically be described as a large, less personable version of Madea. She just won't quit, y'all.
Well, I didn't give in nor did I dive into the mountain of Halloween candy sitting in my kitchen right now. I decided to do this instead:
I have to say, watching Netflix on the treadmill makes the workout go by pretty quickly. Before I knew it, this had happened:
Now I know that 30 minutes of walking isn't news-worthy, but I am happy to say that I fit it into my very busy day. I am also so thankful for God's grace in helping me stick with these goals.
From what I hear, several of us doing this 30 Day November Challenge had a rough first day. Day 1 for me was not so hot either. I went to see a nutritionist early in the day and found out I was kinda fat. Doi. I had to bite my cheek so as not to cry when she was reading me all my fat stats. As embarrassing as it was, I knew I needed to hear the truth on Day 1 but I left a little discouraged. After talking to my husband who always speaks truth to me, I was a little more encouraged. That afternoon I spent some mediocre (on my part) time with God and then went running at 8:30 last night. It wasn't till my shoes were pounding pavement that things got real. God and I had good talks and I realized I had things flipped around in order. I shouldn't have procrastinated all day to do the things he has called me to do. So on Day 2, I have my workout clothes on already and I'm ready to go. Here's to a better second day!
How was your first day?
Thanks to all who have joined in and shared your goals. It's not too late to jump on this train! Go here and read about our challenge and then leave a comment with your goals.
Well, as the great & wonderful Carolyn pointed out, I haven't posted my 3 goals yet so here they are:
1. Food - I am giving up potatoes & sugar (two of my biggest trigger foods)
2. I will spend 30 minutes a day exercising (walking, swimming, biking, or zumba)
3. I will devote 20 minutes of quiet time with God each day. (quiet is a foreign concept in my life)
Day one has been ok. I have to tell you that this no sugar thing has been difficult with the mountain of Halloween candy in my house today. No big deal though. I am going to start a load of laundry, lace up my walking shoes, & hit the road.
I've noticed it's been pretty quiet around here since Celeste announced our 30 Day November Challenge. So, I want to explain a little bit about why I want to do this and hopefully encourage you to join us.
Last week I was singing the song None But Jesus and it starts out, "In the quiet, in the stillness I know that you are God. In the secret of your presence, I know there I am restored. When you call I won't refuse; each new day again I'll choose. There is no one else for me. None but Jesus....."
I have sung that song a hundred times but that time was different. Jesus put a challenge in my heart to spend time in the quiet. He called me to live out the words I was singing. How many times do we sing empty words to him? I know for me, that happens all too often, but I digress. I had remembered years ago reading a story that my favorite author, Brennan Manning wrote in one of his books. The gist of it is that he was talking to a man that was depressed or struggling with his identity and challenged him to spend time alone with God every day. He was supposed to hear from God about his identity etc. He came back after a while and told Brennan that it didn't work. Upon questioning the man, he discovered he had been sitting alone listening to classical music for a period of time each day. Brennan said of course it didn't work, I didn't ask you to spend time with Mozart, I asked you to spend time alone.
There is hardly ever a minute of my day that I spend in total stillness and silence. I always have music in the background or I am reading or on the phone/computer. What about you? Do you ever spend literal quiet time with yourself or God? So he laid it on my heart to begin carving out 30 minutes each day in silence. No worship music, no devotional reading; just me and my savior hanging out. It will look different every day, I'm sure. Some days I will just "be" or I will write to him, read my Bible or pray. The other day I spent my time picking weeds and allowing God to speak to my heart through his creation. It was pretty great.
We are asking everyone who reads this blog to accept our 30 Day November Challenge. Pray and ask God what he would have you do with 3 goals; spiritual, food and exercise. Commit to stick with them for the full 30 days in November and see what changes in your life. We aren't looking for perfection here 'cause Lord knows I'm probably gonna mess up a day or two. That's not the point, though. The point is to get closer to God through discipline; to hear his voice. After praying about which goals to set for the next month, here is what I have come up with:
Spiritual - spend 30 quiet minutes each day with my focus on Jesus
Food - eat only when I'm hungry
Exercise - run each day
I encourage you to listen to the song on this video and pray about what God would have you do. If you feel led to do this November Challenge with us, leave a comment letting us know you'll be joining. And if you're really brave, tell us your goals!
It's not about perfection, it's about the journey.
In my last post I talked about setting some goals. I knew that this was the direction God was leading, I just had no idea what my goals should be. After a few days of praying and talking with Monica, we have come to a decision about the next step with this blog. We want to start our very first "30 Day Challenge" in the month of November.
We want you to join us in making 3 goals (1 spiritual goal, 1 food-related goal, & 1 exercise-related goal) and we want you to stick with those goals for all 30 days in November. It can be as simple or detailed as you like. Just remember that the fix is not in the goal or your ability to stick with it. We want these 30 days to be about laying things down in order for God to have greater control in our lives.
We have about a week before this thing kicks off, so start seeking God today & ask what He wants your 3 goals to be. I am really excited and I cannot wait to see what God is going to do in each of our lives during this challenge. It's Go Time!!
