Who Do You Think You Are?

This past Saturday afternoon, I was in a foul mood.  I had tried on all my clothes and couldn't find anything that fit to wear to church that night.  That's how it usually starts for me.  I realize that my clothes don't fit and then I just go ahead and throw one.  I reminded myself what a failure I have been and how I can never get my crap together.  My husband, Ray, was being so nice and trying to encourage me to which I responded with an eye roll.  I always know how dumb I'm acting but that doesn't always make me act grown.  Anyway, I calmed down and prayed for a minute and found something stretchy to wear.

Church that night was really great and I got to lead the last song during worship.  It was cool but not anything crazy awesome.  So I was a little surprised when our pastor, Stan, came over to me after church and said I had done a great job leading.  I thanked him and he turned to go.  Then he stopped and came back.  (You always know it's about to get real when they come back.)  He said, "I didn't mean thank you for singing well, I meant thank you for bring the presence."  He paused and looked me right in the eyes and said, "You're not who you think you are, you're who God says you are."  I could barely see through the tears welling up in my eyes.  Unless God told him, he didn't know the things I had been thinking about myself only hours before.  Stan then said, "You're a giant-killer.  You are like David.  God is bringing you into a season where you worship when no one is watching so that when you lead, you kill giants."  I couldn't think to say anything but "Ok" and "Thank you."  You have no idea how my heart needed to hear those words.

So today, I want to know who does God say that I am?

- He says that I am a new person in him:

"Therefore, if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old has passed away.  Behold, the fresh and new has come!"  2 Corinthians 5:17 amplified version

- He says that I am set free:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Him the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death."  Romans 8:1-2

- He says that I am confident:

"When we trust in him, we're free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever we need to go." Ephesians 3:12

- He says that I am loved and whole:

"Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love."  Ephesians 1:4

- He says that I am forgiven:

"God did it for us.  Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself.  A pure gift.  He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be.  And he did it by means of Jesus Christ."  Romans 3:24


Isn't that amazing?  I think so 'cause by myself, I am not any of those things.  It's in Christ that I find my identity and it's an incredible one.

Monica

Beauty

This post is definitely more private and personal to me than any others I've written about so far.  While I feel a little uncomfortable and exposed, I do know that these are truths that Jesus wants written on our hearts.
Last week I was reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge and they began to talk about our beauty as women and the way that God sees us; that he is captivated by us.  I started feeling a little weird.  For about as long as I can remember, I have generally not felt beautiful.  Definitely not captivating.  I wasn't abused or told I was ugly growing up.  At least not by anyone other than myself.  I have just always found fault in the mirror.  I wasn't convinced with their words.  Then Stasi told a story about a woman that she encouraged to ask Jesus to show her her beauty.  I figured I'd try it, so I tentatively asked him.  He quickly flooded me with answers.  He said, "Daughter, you are beautiful to me in so many ways!  You are most beautiful when you are worshipping me, doing exactly what I created you to do.  You are beautiful when you love and care for your son.  You are beautiful when you are serving and loving your husband.  Let me show you your beauty."  I sat on my bed and just smiled and thanked him.  I am amazed at how deep and personal his love for me is.

As if that wasn't enough, the next night I led worship at our church and before the service, God reminded me of what he had told me.  I went in with more confidence and joy than I've ever had.  Between songs, our pastor came up and encouraged us to pray for the person next to us.  One of the other singers, Ashley and I put our arms around each other's shoulders and began to pray.  She then turned to me and looked me right in the eyes and said, "God keeps telling me that he thinks you are beautiful."  I immediately broke under the weight of his love as she went on to speak it over me.  The almighty, amazing God of the universe stopped a service to tell me that I am beautiful.  What in the world?  I have never experienced him in such an intimate way and let me tell you, it is lovely.

Get alone with your Father today and ask him to show your beauty.  Ask him how he sees you.  Then wait until you hear his answer.  Look for it because he will show you.  He longs for a deeper relationship; he wants to heal your heart.  Let him.

Monica

It's All in the Family

We are on day 7 of the 30 Day Challenge and things are going good over here.  Right now, I've got a tasty broccoli soup on the stove for supper and will have 30 quiet minutes as soon as I finish this post.  If it ever stops raining here, I'll go outside for a run but if not, I'll head to the gym.

So what I really want to talk about today is generational issues; unfortunate things that seem to be passed down through blood lines.  I want to tell you about how I got free from mine.  Last Friday, I posted about how I screwed up and found myself with cupcake crumbs all over my face.  My mom commented on that post about how sugar addiction is something she, her mother and her grandmother have all battled.  Each one of us grew up watching our mother fight this demon and learned to do the same.  I had just kind of accepted this as a part of my life and tried my best to get over it.  Not working so much for me.  Seeing it in writing on Saturday was pretty huge for me.  (I am so incredibly proud of my mom for having the courage to admit her struggle, by the way.)

I had been praying all day that God would give me a breakthrough in this area at church that night.  I was pretty sure our pastor wasn't going to call up people with sugar addiction for prayer at the end of the service.  I just wanted God to do something.  So that afternoon, I was praying about the song I was going to lead and God laid a verse on my heart.  I was like, "Hey, you know I don't like to talk during worship."  And he was like, "Yeah, I know but do it anyway."  So I was like, "Ok."  Fast-forward to me picking up my guitar and thinking, "Oh crap, I can't talk!"  Then a peace just came over me and I knew if I was obedient, my breakthrough would come.  I said my little verse and a few words of encouragement and it was cool.  Then our pastor came up and started talking about stuff in your life that has no place.  He literally said, "I don't care if you Grandmother had it and your Mother had it and you do too."  My eyeballs got enormous.  He talked about the power of our words and declaring things on earth to be as they are in heaven.  In the Lord's prayer, Jesus said, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  Jesus told us to pray that.  Then my pastor said go ahead and do it, so I did.  I said, "Today, I am free from addiction and it has no place in my life.  God, may your will be done in my life on earth as it is in heaven."  And then I laughed.  Not a weird, crazy laugh mind you.  I laughed at the thing that has held me captive for so long.  I was filled with joy over my freedom.

I am learning the power of my words.  I say so many negative things about myself that are keeping me in bondage.  It's time to speak life over ourselves!  During your time with God today, ask him to show you the areas in your life where you need to change your vocabulary.  What things do you need to declare to be on earth as they are in heaven?

We LOVE hearing from you guys; it's so encouraging!  If you don't feel comfortable commenting here on the blog, please send us an email.  setfreefromme.cm@gmail.com

Monica

Identity Identified

This last Wednesday I told this class I'm in at church about my blog.  It is made up of people from every age group and walk of life just desiring to dig deeper into God, and to be trained up to be a warrior like David.  I told them about the comparison post and then about the worship leading post.  And when I told them I didn't think I was as good of a singer as Emily, I looked over and saw her husband and father shaking their heads.  It was at this point I began the cry-talk.  It was unavoidable and no matter how hard I bit my cheek, I couldn't get it under control.  So I just kept cry-talking my way through what God was telling me to say.  Then, a guy spoke up and said, "Monica, this is just a shortcut to get to where God wants you.  When he takes you through something difficult, just think of it that way."  I had never in my life thought of that!

So this weekend, God led me through a shortcut and I ended up standing smack dab in the middle of my identity.  As soon as I started singing, God blanketed me with peace.  I have been doing this for about 10 years and it was unlike anything I've ever felt while leading worship.  It was this realization that I was in the perfect place doing the exact thing I was put on this earth to do.  For weeks, I have been asking God to speak to me about my identity and he gave me the most incredible revelation in that moment.  I have always known this is what I am called to do; that's not really what I'm talking about.  I'm not sure how to explain it, other than that I felt happy with myself for the first time in a long time.  And that is because I stepped out and did something scary which allowed God to reveal my identity.  I prayed that through my worship this weekend, people would feel his presence; his love, and be changed.  Who knew it would be me?

Monica

Well That Was Fast

Sometimes when God starts working on my heart; leading me to deal with an issue he does it slowly, giving me the chance to take small timid steps toward him.  And other times he holds my hand and we run real fast toward a cliff and jump together.  This is one of those running and jumping times.

The other day I posted about comparing myself to others thinking it would be a while until I had to actually get over it.  Well, not so much.  I'm having to get over it today...right now.

The other night I was asked to lead worship at our church this weekend.  I responded with, "Sure, what song would you like me to sing?"  She said, "All of them.  All the vocalists will be gone this weekend so it would be great if you could play your guitar and lead for all three services."  Y'all, I nearly wet my bed.  I said I would do it and have been praying about what songs to do all day today.  I just asked my husband, Ray what songs he thought I should do and proceeded shoot down every suggestion he gave.  He said, "I know why you're doing this.  You don't want to sing the same songs Emily does because you think she's better than you.  Monica, you just blogged about this."  Awww, dang.  He got me.

Emily is one of the most amazing singers and worship leaders I've ever heard.  I have sized my voice up to hers from the moment I heard it.  She kills it every week and I was just imagining people saying, "Yeah she was good but I like Emily's version better."  You know what, people might say that and I have to be ok with that.  I'm not leading worship to compete with anyone or impress judges.  That is not worship; that is American Idol.  And I was not created to be on American Idol, I was created to worship.

I just sent the set list to the team and half of the songs are ones that Emily sings.  I'm going to sing them because God is telling me to and I'm praying for an anointing on me so that people don't just hear me sing.  I want people to be drawn to the feet of Christ because that is where my worship is coming from.

If you want to be a part of this worship you can go here on Saturday night at 6 and watch it live.  (I can't believe I just told y'all!)

Monica