Endurance

First of all, I want to thank you for your words of encouragement about my last post, whether it was through a comment here, on Facebook, text, or in person.  They each meant so much to me and I was humbled to hear your stories of loss as well.  Thank you.  I am still choosing joy, by the way.

Ray and I take a class at church and this month's topic was endurance.  When they handed out our papers and I started reading the characteristics of one who endures, my head sagged.  I couldn't honestly say that I possessed even one.  As they began teaching, I got more and more discouraged because I usually quit when things get difficult.  I don't stand firm with quiet endurance; I flail about complaining loudly.  So I chose to set my mind on other things instead of listening and allowing the Holy Spirit to encourage me toward change.  Nope, not gonna hear it!


The teacher had assigned homework for us to look up a list of scriptures and choose some that spoke directly to us and write down how they pertained to things going on in our lives.  To say that I did not want to do that would be quite the understatement.  Duh, I already know that I suck at endurance.  After two weeks of ignoring it, the night before I went ahead and did it.  And God went ahead and spoke to me through his word.  So, I'd expected to feel convicted about all my food issues, but I wasn't expecting to get slapped by Hebrews.

  "Do you see what this means, all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on?  It means we'd better get on with it.  Strip down, start running-and never quit!  No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in.  Study how he did it.  Because he never lost sight of where he was headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God.  He could put up with anything along the way:  cross, shame, whatever.  And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God.  When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through.  That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"                                         Hebrews 12:1-3  The Message

No extra spiritual fat?  Other versions say to lay aside every weight that encumbers you.  It just kinds stings a little more when you call it fat.  I've got some pounds of spiritual and literal fat to lose.  So I started thinking about my journey and how endurance comes into play.

Over the past few months, I've had some awesome encounters with God.  He has spoken over me words of encouragement in many ways that have brought healing.  But honestly, I haven't experienced the kind of healing I should have, and I just figured out why.  See, God does his part when he brings me a word about a certain area of my life.  Then, it's my turn to take that seed (word) and plant it deep in my heart and help it to grow.  If I hear the word and let that seed fall on shallow ground, its roots can never grow deep into my spirit.  It's like sorta believing what God says about you for a minute but then not so much.  Does that make sense?  We have to cultivate it.  Hide his word in our hearts and let it sink in.  I've read the parable of the seeds in Luke but it has never come alive for me until this very moment.



So what I'm getting at is, that we need to keep on going after the initial excitement of starting something new.  Keep pressing through when things get difficult.  When we find ourselves wanting to give up and trying to lose faith, let's turn to Jesus as our model.  How did he handle tough situations?

Let's lace up our shoes and start running.  And let's not give up when our hearts beat fast and we can hardly breathe.  Because breakthrough is just on the other side of that hill.

Monica

Starting Over

Well, hello.  As you can probably see, I have been avoiding this blog like the plague. I haven't written recently because the only thing I would have to talk about is the amazing lack of self-control I've been experiencing lately.  Everything has been out of whack with me and I am just tired of it.

I had a nice visit at Monica's house yesterday, which is a rarity because we live about 90 minutes from each other, and we both had to laugh a little at each other.  So the conversation went something like this, "We are so dumb.  We know what we are supposed to be doing!  What is wrong with us?"  Yep, that sounds about right.

I shared with her that I have felt for a while that God is leading me toward a life that does not include sugar, bread, & potatoes.  I, of course, am not happy about this one bit but I know that this is what He is speaking to me.  When I tried to argue my case on this one, I felt God gently reminding me that there are countless recovering addicts who are living their lives each day without alcohol, tobacco, cigarettes, etc.  Yikes.  What do you say to that?

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating Atkins or some low-carb diet.  I am simply admitting that these foods are triggers for me and, as much as I don't want to, I am going to have to lay them down.  So for the next 30 days I am doing a fast of these three areas of food.  Today has been the first day and I honestly feel relived, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I don't want to be disobedient and I don't want to avoid this blog.  There is such a sweetness to walking in obedience and surrender.  I have known this feeling before and have let it slip away.  I am praying to be reminded of this when things become difficult and I want to turn back to my old ways.

Maybe you are like me and you just need to have a do-over.  It's ok.  We can be not dumb together.  Also, Daylight Savings Time begins tomorrow so set your clocks ahead tonight.  If you are reading this a few years from now, don't worry about it.

Love,
Celeste

All or Nothing

All or nothing, that's how I like to do things.  I'm not very good at moderation and middle ground.  I'm either eating clean and at the gym all week or I'm laying down eating cookies in a near coma.  Ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration but not too far off.  For the past few weeks, my behavior has been more of the latter description and I'm kinda tired of it.  I've been saying, "Ok, tomorrow I'll get my crap together" for many days now.  Granted, my life has been a tad bit like a soap opera lately.  Still, I need to reign it back in.  I have been fighting a cold for two weeks now and I had a thought yesterday that hey maybe all this bad food I'm eating isn't helping me to get better.  I was talking to my husband about it last night and we decided to do a 3-day juice fast.  We have been juicing for over a year now and I've done a few 1-day fasts but it has been mostly just a supplement to our normal diet.  Also, it's an easy way for me to eat lots of food that I do not really like.  He took me to the Dr. last night to make sure I don't have strep or something crazy.  Thankfully it's still a cold but it has just gotten worse.  So my amazing husband, Ray, and I made up a bunch of juice last night and started this thing.  He is seriously great to do this with me!  

So here are my reasons for doing this:

1. I want these few days of denying my flesh to cause me to rely on God for strength and make his voice louder than any others in my life.

2. I want to flood my body with vitamins and nutrients to help fight off this sickness.

3. This will be a good time to refocus on what I put in my body and how food can help or hurt me.

4. My throat hurts and I don't want to swallow anything so this is kind of a perfect time to not "eat."

I'm not saying you all should do this, I'm just letting you know that I am and why.  I feel like this is what I am supposed to do and am praying God honors my obedience.

Hey y'all sorry for being m.i.a. on the blog here lately.  I'm back and will keep you updated on what's going on.  Also, I'm going to finish going over the rest of the book Made to Crave.  Did any of you ever get a chance to snag a copy?  If not, you should 'cause it's a great read.

Monica

Made for More

Hey friends!  I want to use Chapter 5 of Made to Crave as a catalyst for today's blog post  In it, Lysa talks about how we were made for more than being ruled by food.  We were made for victory in Christ.  It's a great chapter and I want to broaden the scope a bit.  I'm going to also hit on a few points from Chapter 8 where she talks about making peace with our bodies.  I'm also about to get really real and really transparent.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I have lived in near constant shame and frustration because of this disease for many years.

PCOSDiva.com gives a good definition for those that don't know what it is:

"Often called the “Thief of Womanhood”, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) affects as many as 10% of women.  It can rob you of your fertility, cause irregular periods, lead to insulin resistance and obesity, as well as, depression. High levels of androgen hormones in women with PCOS can cause acne, excess facial and body hair growth and male-pattern hair loss. The long term risk factors for diabetes, heart disease and certain cancers are higher if PCOS is left untreated."

I seriously cannot believe I'm telling you all this right now.  So anyway, the progression of this disease is directly linked to blood sugar and insulin which can be controlled through diet.  I have never been able to keep it under control on my own.  I have tried so hard and have been on every drug there is for PCOS.  Nothing has worked.  I have defined myself by this disease.  It has taken so much joy from me.  I have lived a cycle of victory followed by failure for nearly 10 years; until I invited God into my situation.

Last week, I was praying about it and asking God why I have to live with this chronic disease that steals my confidence daily.  He said, "It isn't for you.  I did not give it to you and you do not have to live with it.  Listen and obey me because you were made for more."  Whaaaat?!  Is this real life?  I freaked out.  So I have been doing the things that God is showing me and am standing on his promise that I was made for more than this.  I was not made to live in fear and shame.  Worrying that someone might find out that I have PCOS.  God did not create me to focus my mind on the question of if I will someday get diabetes or lose all my hair.  Now that I think about it, I've been living pretty selfishly.  All of those worries and fear are inwardly focused.  No wonder I have struggled for so long; I can't take my eyes off myself and what others will think of me.  God, forgive me.

I want you to know that your Father did not create you to live bound up.  You were not made to be a slave to addiction, worry, anxiety, depression, or sin.  You were made to be free.  To freely love your Father.  Take some time today and ask him to show you what you need to be free of if you don't already know.  And if you need to repent, do it fully and he will shower you with mercy.

I'm heading toward freedom in many more areas than I ever thought possible.  It feels pretty dang good.

Monica

What Matters

I am reading the Francine Rivers series Marta's Legacy right now and it has me thinking about my own life and the trail I will leave behind.  The books follow the stories of 3 generations of women and their relationships with one another.  The way their pasts affect their daughters and themselves.  Overall, they are pretty good books even though at times I want to throw it out the window because of some frustrating characters.  Not my favorite Francine Rivers books, but I digress.

So, my legacy...

How do I want people to remember me?  What affect do I want to have on the children in my home?

This is one of the huge reasons that I am dealing with my food issues now.  I don't want to struggle with this all of my life.  I don't want this burden to keep me from doing fun things with my kids.  I want to be light in every sense of the word!

I guess this is as good a time as ever to tell you all some huge news.  Ray and I are in the process of opening our home to foster care.  We started the very long list of things to do in the spring and are waiting for our 3rd out of 4 home-studies.  We should be open to take a child around February.  God challenged us on this issue separately and when we came together to talk about it we were in complete agreement.  We want our legacy to be one of worth.  We want to show God's love to kids who may have never seen it.  Yes, it will be hard and yes it will be sad.  But we are not alone.  He is sending us as lambs into a wolf pack but The Lion will be ever padding by our side.

I want to be remembered and known for many things; the most vital being that I was a lover of Jesus.  That I have lived passionately and fiercely for his kingdom.

What will your legacy be?

Monica

A Little Lighter

When Celeste and I started this journey toward healing our food issues, I honestly thought I was going lose weight quickly.  I thought this was going to be the thing that finally did it for me.  That hasn't really been the case concerning the lard.  I have lost only a couple pounds since we started a few months ago.  It's easy to get discouraged if I think about that fact.  I quickly tend to wonder why I am doing this if the whole goal isn't being achieved.  The funny thing about doing things God's way is that things don't always turn out just how we think they should.


I was sitting in my kitchen with my good friend Stephanie this week.  She's the type of friend you don't want to be around if you're trying to hide what's going on.  She can tell if I'm upset within seconds of talking to me.  I have literally avoided her a few times when I didn't want to deal with issues.  Or I've just started off conversations with, "Hi I'm sad.  Just gonna put that out there 'cause I knew you'd be able to tell."  All that is to say that she knows me well and I love her for it.  So, we were talking about the blog and the whole not losing weight thing and she said some of the most amazingly encouraging words to me.  She said, "You just seem lighter."  She has noticed that things that would usually bother me aren't making as much of an impact.  I should be really nervous about changes coming up in my life but have a peace that would've been long gone by now were it a few months ago.  I guess I hadn't noticed it until she said something.  It's incredible to see the way God is using my obedience here even though it's nowhere near perfect.

So I'm still kinda fat but at least I'm getting lighter!

Monica

Oh and thanks for all you that sent me nice messages last week.  It really helped.  Love you all!!

It's All in the Family

We are on day 7 of the 30 Day Challenge and things are going good over here.  Right now, I've got a tasty broccoli soup on the stove for supper and will have 30 quiet minutes as soon as I finish this post.  If it ever stops raining here, I'll go outside for a run but if not, I'll head to the gym.

So what I really want to talk about today is generational issues; unfortunate things that seem to be passed down through blood lines.  I want to tell you about how I got free from mine.  Last Friday, I posted about how I screwed up and found myself with cupcake crumbs all over my face.  My mom commented on that post about how sugar addiction is something she, her mother and her grandmother have all battled.  Each one of us grew up watching our mother fight this demon and learned to do the same.  I had just kind of accepted this as a part of my life and tried my best to get over it.  Not working so much for me.  Seeing it in writing on Saturday was pretty huge for me.  (I am so incredibly proud of my mom for having the courage to admit her struggle, by the way.)

I had been praying all day that God would give me a breakthrough in this area at church that night.  I was pretty sure our pastor wasn't going to call up people with sugar addiction for prayer at the end of the service.  I just wanted God to do something.  So that afternoon, I was praying about the song I was going to lead and God laid a verse on my heart.  I was like, "Hey, you know I don't like to talk during worship."  And he was like, "Yeah, I know but do it anyway."  So I was like, "Ok."  Fast-forward to me picking up my guitar and thinking, "Oh crap, I can't talk!"  Then a peace just came over me and I knew if I was obedient, my breakthrough would come.  I said my little verse and a few words of encouragement and it was cool.  Then our pastor came up and started talking about stuff in your life that has no place.  He literally said, "I don't care if you Grandmother had it and your Mother had it and you do too."  My eyeballs got enormous.  He talked about the power of our words and declaring things on earth to be as they are in heaven.  In the Lord's prayer, Jesus said, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  Jesus told us to pray that.  Then my pastor said go ahead and do it, so I did.  I said, "Today, I am free from addiction and it has no place in my life.  God, may your will be done in my life on earth as it is in heaven."  And then I laughed.  Not a weird, crazy laugh mind you.  I laughed at the thing that has held me captive for so long.  I was filled with joy over my freedom.

I am learning the power of my words.  I say so many negative things about myself that are keeping me in bondage.  It's time to speak life over ourselves!  During your time with God today, ask him to show you the areas in your life where you need to change your vocabulary.  What things do you need to declare to be on earth as they are in heaven?

We LOVE hearing from you guys; it's so encouraging!  If you don't feel comfortable commenting here on the blog, please send us an email.  setfreefromme.cm@gmail.com

Monica

Yesterday and Today

From what I hear, several of us doing this 30 Day November Challenge had a rough first day.  Day 1 for me was not so hot either.  I went to see a nutritionist early in the day and found out I was kinda fat.  Doi.  I had to bite my cheek so as not to cry when she was reading me all my fat stats.  As embarrassing as it was, I knew I needed to hear the truth on Day 1 but I left a little discouraged.  After talking to my husband who always speaks truth to me, I was a little more encouraged.  That afternoon I spent some mediocre (on my part) time with God and then went running at 8:30 last night.  It wasn't till my shoes were pounding pavement that things got real.  God and I had good talks and I realized I had things flipped around in order.  I shouldn't have procrastinated all day to do the things he has called me to do.  So on Day 2, I have my workout clothes on already and I'm ready to go.  Here's to a better second day!

How was your first day?

Thanks to all who have joined in and shared your goals.  It's not too late to jump on this train!  Go here and read about our challenge and then leave a comment with your goals.

Monica

In the Quiet

I've noticed it's been pretty quiet around here since Celeste announced our 30 Day November Challenge.  So, I want to explain a little bit about why I want to do this and hopefully encourage you to join us.

Last week I was singing the song None But Jesus and it starts out, "In the quiet, in the stillness I know that you are God.  In the secret of your presence, I know there I am restored.  When you call I won't refuse; each new day again I'll choose.  There is no one else for me.  None but Jesus....."

I have sung that song a hundred times but that time was different.  Jesus put a challenge in my heart to spend time in the quiet.  He called me to live out the words I was singing.  How many times do we sing empty words to him?  I know for me, that happens all too often, but I digress.  I had remembered years ago reading a story that my favorite author, Brennan Manning wrote in one of his books.  The gist of it is that he was talking to a man that was depressed or struggling with his identity and challenged him to spend time alone with God every day.  He was supposed to hear from God about his identity etc.  He came back after a while and told Brennan that it didn't work.  Upon questioning the man, he discovered he had been sitting alone listening to classical music for a period of time each day.  Brennan said of course it didn't work, I didn't ask you to spend time with Mozart, I asked you to spend time alone.

There is hardly ever a minute of my day that I spend in total stillness and silence.  I always have music in the background or I am reading or on the phone/computer.  What about you?  Do you ever spend literal quiet time with yourself or God?  So he laid it on my heart to begin carving out 30 minutes each day in silence.  No worship music, no devotional reading; just me and my savior hanging out.  It will look different every day, I'm sure.  Some days I will just "be" or I will write to him, read my Bible or pray.  The other day I spent my time picking weeds and allowing God to speak to my heart through his creation.  It was pretty great.

We are asking everyone who reads this blog to accept our 30 Day November Challenge.  Pray and ask God what he would have you do with 3 goals; spiritual, food and exercise.  Commit to stick with them for the full 30 days in November and see what changes in your life.  We aren't looking for perfection here 'cause Lord knows I'm probably gonna mess up a day or two.  That's not the point, though.  The point is to get closer to God through discipline; to hear his voice.  After praying about which goals to set for the next month, here is what I have come up with:

Spiritual - spend 30 quiet minutes each day with my focus on Jesus
Food - eat only when I'm hungry
Exercise - run each day

I encourage you to listen to the song on this video and pray about what God would have you do.  If you feel led to do this November Challenge with us, leave a comment letting us know you'll be joining.  And if you're really brave, tell us your goals!

It's not about perfection, it's about the journey.

Monica

Running Wilde

I hate running.  So much!  Ask anyone I've ever run with and they will tell you how much I gripe and complain the whole time.  It hurts my lungs, my legs and my feelings.  I'm just not that good at it and I get really mad when other people are just speeding along happily while I'm near death behind them.  For example, my husband and I have run together very few times.  He is a foot taller than me and can run pretty dang fast.  Also, he is just a positive person.  So sometimes he will run backwards in front of me while "encouraging" me to keep going.  It makes me furious to be quite honest.  Seriously?  How is he happily running backwards and I still can't keep up?  Because he's better than me, I just want to stop and lay down.  haha! 

If you've been reading this blog for a while I'm sure you have already made the connections I'm about to make.  God has been dealing with several issues in my life lately like comparing myself to others, doing things that are difficult, not giving up and tackling strongholds.  All of these issues show their faces while I'm running.  I don't think it's a coincidence that I've felt God leading me to start running again.  I haven't done it, mind you.  Thought about it a good deal, though.  

So yesterday I was praying and asking God if the whole running thing was from him or if I was thinking about it 'cause it's a good way for me to lose weight.  I said, "Ok, if this is something you want to use to change my heart, let someone ask if I want to go run."  About an hour later, my friend Melanie came over for a haircut.  While I was cutting her bangs she said, "Hey, we should start running again."  I kid you not.  I groaned.

Ok God, I know this is a way you want to break stuff off of me and I know you've been trying to discipline me through this for years.  I'm finally ready to do it.  My focus isn't losing weight this time 'cause there are much more enjoyable ways to accomplish that than running.  My focus is you.  Time with you.  Being vulnerable and weak so that through you I can be made strong.  I'll meet you out on the road tomorrow.

I want to know, what is the thing that God keeps pestering you about doing?  What do you keep trying to ignore and put off that you know will be good for you in the long run?

Monica

Identity Identified

This last Wednesday I told this class I'm in at church about my blog.  It is made up of people from every age group and walk of life just desiring to dig deeper into God, and to be trained up to be a warrior like David.  I told them about the comparison post and then about the worship leading post.  And when I told them I didn't think I was as good of a singer as Emily, I looked over and saw her husband and father shaking their heads.  It was at this point I began the cry-talk.  It was unavoidable and no matter how hard I bit my cheek, I couldn't get it under control.  So I just kept cry-talking my way through what God was telling me to say.  Then, a guy spoke up and said, "Monica, this is just a shortcut to get to where God wants you.  When he takes you through something difficult, just think of it that way."  I had never in my life thought of that!

So this weekend, God led me through a shortcut and I ended up standing smack dab in the middle of my identity.  As soon as I started singing, God blanketed me with peace.  I have been doing this for about 10 years and it was unlike anything I've ever felt while leading worship.  It was this realization that I was in the perfect place doing the exact thing I was put on this earth to do.  For weeks, I have been asking God to speak to me about my identity and he gave me the most incredible revelation in that moment.  I have always known this is what I am called to do; that's not really what I'm talking about.  I'm not sure how to explain it, other than that I felt happy with myself for the first time in a long time.  And that is because I stepped out and did something scary which allowed God to reveal my identity.  I prayed that through my worship this weekend, people would feel his presence; his love, and be changed.  Who knew it would be me?

Monica

Well That Was Fast

Sometimes when God starts working on my heart; leading me to deal with an issue he does it slowly, giving me the chance to take small timid steps toward him.  And other times he holds my hand and we run real fast toward a cliff and jump together.  This is one of those running and jumping times.

The other day I posted about comparing myself to others thinking it would be a while until I had to actually get over it.  Well, not so much.  I'm having to get over it today...right now.

The other night I was asked to lead worship at our church this weekend.  I responded with, "Sure, what song would you like me to sing?"  She said, "All of them.  All the vocalists will be gone this weekend so it would be great if you could play your guitar and lead for all three services."  Y'all, I nearly wet my bed.  I said I would do it and have been praying about what songs to do all day today.  I just asked my husband, Ray what songs he thought I should do and proceeded shoot down every suggestion he gave.  He said, "I know why you're doing this.  You don't want to sing the same songs Emily does because you think she's better than you.  Monica, you just blogged about this."  Awww, dang.  He got me.

Emily is one of the most amazing singers and worship leaders I've ever heard.  I have sized my voice up to hers from the moment I heard it.  She kills it every week and I was just imagining people saying, "Yeah she was good but I like Emily's version better."  You know what, people might say that and I have to be ok with that.  I'm not leading worship to compete with anyone or impress judges.  That is not worship; that is American Idol.  And I was not created to be on American Idol, I was created to worship.

I just sent the set list to the team and half of the songs are ones that Emily sings.  I'm going to sing them because God is telling me to and I'm praying for an anointing on me so that people don't just hear me sing.  I want people to be drawn to the feet of Christ because that is where my worship is coming from.

If you want to be a part of this worship you can go here on Saturday night at 6 and watch it live.  (I can't believe I just told y'all!)

Monica