Accountability

Tonight, we had a worship team appreciation dinner at Johnny Carino's and it was so much fun.  I love my church.  Somebody in the congregation anonymously paid for the whole team to go out to eat and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  So you know the bread they give you there?  It glistens with deliciousness.  It practically sings a siren song.  I had decided not to eat any of it but had been staring at it for a while.  My defenses were getting pretty weak and I was saying, "Come on, one hunk of bread won't kill you."  Just as I was about to give in, my friend Connie leaned over and said, "Hey so I've been reading your blog and I got that book Made to Crave and am loving it."  That was all I needed to hear to keep my hand away from that bread.  I didn't even know she was reading this thing!  It makes me wonder who all reads it that I don't know about.

Anyway, the whole thing made me think of this verse:

"...God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.  When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."  1 Cor. 10:13

He offered me a way out and I took it.  But only because of accountability to all of you.  You people that I don't even know.  I am not too fond of accountability because I don't really like to be told what to do.  But putting my stuff out there on this blog has forced me to be held accountable and I'm ok with that.  That's what chapter 5 of Made to Crave is all about and I do think it is vital to my success.  So thanks for reading, Connie and all you others.

Monica

A Little Lighter

When Celeste and I started this journey toward healing our food issues, I honestly thought I was going lose weight quickly.  I thought this was going to be the thing that finally did it for me.  That hasn't really been the case concerning the lard.  I have lost only a couple pounds since we started a few months ago.  It's easy to get discouraged if I think about that fact.  I quickly tend to wonder why I am doing this if the whole goal isn't being achieved.  The funny thing about doing things God's way is that things don't always turn out just how we think they should.


I was sitting in my kitchen with my good friend Stephanie this week.  She's the type of friend you don't want to be around if you're trying to hide what's going on.  She can tell if I'm upset within seconds of talking to me.  I have literally avoided her a few times when I didn't want to deal with issues.  Or I've just started off conversations with, "Hi I'm sad.  Just gonna put that out there 'cause I knew you'd be able to tell."  All that is to say that she knows me well and I love her for it.  So, we were talking about the blog and the whole not losing weight thing and she said some of the most amazingly encouraging words to me.  She said, "You just seem lighter."  She has noticed that things that would usually bother me aren't making as much of an impact.  I should be really nervous about changes coming up in my life but have a peace that would've been long gone by now were it a few months ago.  I guess I hadn't noticed it until she said something.  It's incredible to see the way God is using my obedience here even though it's nowhere near perfect.

So I'm still kinda fat but at least I'm getting lighter!

Monica

Oh and thanks for all you that sent me nice messages last week.  It really helped.  Love you all!!

Thanksgiving

We are on Day 26 of this 30 Day Challenge!  It's the home stretch, yay!!  How has it been for everyone?  After it's over, I'll do a big overview of the whole thing.  I kinda dread the brutal honesty that will be all up on this blog in a few days.  What am I saying?  We are always brutally honest over here.

The past few days have been SO much fun!  Celeste and I have hung out for the past 5 days straight.  I can't remember the last time that's happened.  We have done tons of crafty crafts, watched movies, played games, laughed a lot, and played Let's Dance on the Wii.  Actually she just watched and laughed as I made a fool out of myself.  I even talked my husband into doing a number with me.  It was amazing. 

I am so Thankful for our family.  Whenever we get together, it will be fun and I know we will laugh a ton.  This week has been so much fun!  Don't worry, we are getting back on the blogging train.

Monica

She Has Great Hair

I have been mulling this post over for weeks now.  This is a tough issue for me and I have a feeling nearly everyone who reads this will be able to relate.

I cannot look at another girl without sizing myself up to her.  Doesn't matter who she is or what she looks like.  I look at her and find all her qualities that are better than mine in seconds.  "Oh man, look at that awesome hair!"  "She can totally get away with that outfit."  "I wish I was that good of a mom, wife, friend etc."  "How is she so skinny after just having a baby?"  You get the picture.

I have some seriously amazing women in my life.  Some of my closest friends just happen to be in ridiculously good physical shape.  I have a personal trainer friend, two triathalon competitors and one that even after a baby looks like a model and those are just a few examples.  Most of my friends seem to have it all together and frankly I am embarrassed with my struggle around them.  I like others that suck at what I suck at and they don't seem to carry around the same issues.  The lie that the enemy whispers in my ear is that they have it all together and I am the only one with crap.  When I take a step back and realize that everyone has some thing that they wrestle it is easier for me to quit the comparisons.  But in the thick of it, I can't see that.  It's just me all alone with skinny beautiful friends drooling over cake while they don't give it a second thought.  What a tricky lie.

When I was pregnant with my son, a few of us got together and had some pictures taken.  One of the girls was going to be out of the country for several months and wanted pictures to take with her.  I begrudgingly obliged to allow my large child-carrying belly to be photographed.  As dumb as it sounds, I didn't want to have to stand next to these beautiful girls that I love dearly being so large.  I was being so very selfish and childish.  When we got the pictures back, I sat at my computer and cried.  They were most definitely not tears of happiness.  The only thing I could think of when looking at the images was how much different I looked than them; how fat I thought I was.  I called them all and officially banned the pictures from facebook.  It has been a year and a half since I've seen these pictures and I am viewing them with fresh eyes.  Now I see myself as a woman carrying a beautiful miracle instead of just a fat sweaty pregnant girl.  My amazing, hilarious curly-headed little boy was growing in that belly and I am so proud to be his Mama.  Looking at them this time around, I realized that I don't want to be just like any of those girls.  God created each of us to be separate.  How could we love and support each other if we were identical?


It's time to stop looking at other people and putting ourselves down because we are different.  We should praise other's strengths, not idolize them.  I am not there yet.  Sometimes I don't want to hang out with people that I don't "measure up" to.  I need healing in this area and that's exactly why I am talking about it here.

Father, help me to see people with your eyes instead of my own.  Remind me of my identity in you.


Is this something you guys deal with?  How do you combat those lies when they sneak in?

Monica