Made for More

Hey friends!  I want to use Chapter 5 of Made to Crave as a catalyst for today's blog post  In it, Lysa talks about how we were made for more than being ruled by food.  We were made for victory in Christ.  It's a great chapter and I want to broaden the scope a bit.  I'm going to also hit on a few points from Chapter 8 where she talks about making peace with our bodies.  I'm also about to get really real and really transparent.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I have lived in near constant shame and frustration because of this disease for many years.

PCOSDiva.com gives a good definition for those that don't know what it is:

"Often called the “Thief of Womanhood”, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) affects as many as 10% of women.  It can rob you of your fertility, cause irregular periods, lead to insulin resistance and obesity, as well as, depression. High levels of androgen hormones in women with PCOS can cause acne, excess facial and body hair growth and male-pattern hair loss. The long term risk factors for diabetes, heart disease and certain cancers are higher if PCOS is left untreated."

I seriously cannot believe I'm telling you all this right now.  So anyway, the progression of this disease is directly linked to blood sugar and insulin which can be controlled through diet.  I have never been able to keep it under control on my own.  I have tried so hard and have been on every drug there is for PCOS.  Nothing has worked.  I have defined myself by this disease.  It has taken so much joy from me.  I have lived a cycle of victory followed by failure for nearly 10 years; until I invited God into my situation.

Last week, I was praying about it and asking God why I have to live with this chronic disease that steals my confidence daily.  He said, "It isn't for you.  I did not give it to you and you do not have to live with it.  Listen and obey me because you were made for more."  Whaaaat?!  Is this real life?  I freaked out.  So I have been doing the things that God is showing me and am standing on his promise that I was made for more than this.  I was not made to live in fear and shame.  Worrying that someone might find out that I have PCOS.  God did not create me to focus my mind on the question of if I will someday get diabetes or lose all my hair.  Now that I think about it, I've been living pretty selfishly.  All of those worries and fear are inwardly focused.  No wonder I have struggled for so long; I can't take my eyes off myself and what others will think of me.  God, forgive me.

I want you to know that your Father did not create you to live bound up.  You were not made to be a slave to addiction, worry, anxiety, depression, or sin.  You were made to be free.  To freely love your Father.  Take some time today and ask him to show you what you need to be free of if you don't already know.  And if you need to repent, do it fully and he will shower you with mercy.

I'm heading toward freedom in many more areas than I ever thought possible.  It feels pretty dang good.

Monica

Beauty

This post is definitely more private and personal to me than any others I've written about so far.  While I feel a little uncomfortable and exposed, I do know that these are truths that Jesus wants written on our hearts.
Last week I was reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge and they began to talk about our beauty as women and the way that God sees us; that he is captivated by us.  I started feeling a little weird.  For about as long as I can remember, I have generally not felt beautiful.  Definitely not captivating.  I wasn't abused or told I was ugly growing up.  At least not by anyone other than myself.  I have just always found fault in the mirror.  I wasn't convinced with their words.  Then Stasi told a story about a woman that she encouraged to ask Jesus to show her her beauty.  I figured I'd try it, so I tentatively asked him.  He quickly flooded me with answers.  He said, "Daughter, you are beautiful to me in so many ways!  You are most beautiful when you are worshipping me, doing exactly what I created you to do.  You are beautiful when you love and care for your son.  You are beautiful when you are serving and loving your husband.  Let me show you your beauty."  I sat on my bed and just smiled and thanked him.  I am amazed at how deep and personal his love for me is.

As if that wasn't enough, the next night I led worship at our church and before the service, God reminded me of what he had told me.  I went in with more confidence and joy than I've ever had.  Between songs, our pastor came up and encouraged us to pray for the person next to us.  One of the other singers, Ashley and I put our arms around each other's shoulders and began to pray.  She then turned to me and looked me right in the eyes and said, "God keeps telling me that he thinks you are beautiful."  I immediately broke under the weight of his love as she went on to speak it over me.  The almighty, amazing God of the universe stopped a service to tell me that I am beautiful.  What in the world?  I have never experienced him in such an intimate way and let me tell you, it is lovely.

Get alone with your Father today and ask him to show your beauty.  Ask him how he sees you.  Then wait until you hear his answer.  Look for it because he will show you.  He longs for a deeper relationship; he wants to heal your heart.  Let him.

Monica